I used to have a writing mentor

For a whole two weeks, that is.

I never actually met her. She did an article in a local magazine about our business. She found out I like to write for fun, and that I also write a column for another community magazine. She gave me a little advice, and we were going to get together for lunch soon. She told me that it would be easy for me to get a "job" at the magazine she writes for if I wanted.

Most of our communication was via email, but the first contact was a phone call. She told me right away that she is from Boston, and therefore that I should be able to guess where she stands politically. Yes, of course I could. And I told her that I lean the opposite direction. Actually, I'm standing quite firmly on the opposite side. But I didn't discuss it with her AT ALL. In my opinion, there is little point in discussing politics with someone you don't agree with, because it almost always turns heated, and you will never change someone's mind anyway. So why bother?

Anyhow, I just wanted a little guidance and constructive criticism about writing, and she was more than willing to offer her help. I just planned to completely avoid anything political.

She tried to bring up politics several times in our email exchanges. I ignored all of it. Finally, she gave me a "writing assignment". Naturally, it was on a political subject, and the way she phrased it was something like "Tell me your opinion on the fact that YOUR CANDIDATE, and YOUR PRESIDENT did such and such...." She used the ALL CAPS to emphasize how disgusted she is with the entire Republican party. I knew she was making a point. Why, oh WHY, did I continue to have contact with her? I knew it was going to turn ugly.

I was working on the assignment, but hadn't finished. I was really trying to avoid saying anything that might set her off. I'm not afraid to express my opinions (as you might have noticed), but this is someone that I wanted to have a working relationship with, and I sensed her rabid, liberal Pit Bull mentality, even though I hadn't actually seen it. Yet.

So, fast forward to not even 24 hours later. I got another email from her. I guess she couldn't wait to stimulate a political discussion argument. This time, she had yet another writing assignment for me. Well, that's what she called it. What she said was, "Here's an assignment for you. Tell me why to like Mister Obama."

Oh boy. I should have ignored the email. I should have just deleted it. Hell, I should have just deleted my email address altogether so she could never contact me again.

But I didn't. I answered her. I mean, part of me thought that maybe she was one of those liberals that doesn't like Barack Obama. I mean, you could infer that from the way she asked the question, right? Either way, she knew I was a conservative, so she probably assumed that I didn't like the man all that much. Was she really going to be surprised at my answer? And I really didn't think she meant it as a true "writing assignment". I thought she was just making conversation. After all, I was already working on one assignment.

All I said was, "Are you serious when you ask me what to like about Obama? Because I really can't think of one thing." I swear, I didn't say anything else. It was one sentence, and it was the only thing I had ever said to her about politics. Ever.

Even though I guess I expected it, her next few emails really shocked me.

She said that I am not "open-minded". She went on and on about how wonderful it is up there in Boston, and said that the people in the South don't try to understand each other. She went so far as to say that there is a lack of knowledge the closer one gets to the equator. She blamed everything (Yes, she said everything. She probably meant the hurricanes, too.) on the Bushes, and told me to "look up" the word autocracy (because obviously I am too stupid to know what it means), and remember that this is not one. "It's supposed to be a Democracy," she said.

Um, actually, it's supposed to be a Republic. See, this Southerner isn't as dumb as she looks.

"Some day you'll understand," she said, and informed me that she was quoting Lynyrd Skynrd. (I have no idea what her point was there. But hey, maybe someday I'll understand.)

When I responded, I asked her what I have said that is evidence of my "close-mindedness". I let her know that I didn't think it was fair to insinuate (or wait a minute, she came right out and SAID it) that most of us in the South are ignorant. I told her that everything that is wrong with this country couldn't possibly be one person's fault, and gave an example of the Clinton administration's pressure on companies to lend to those who were not qualified, as a suggestion that maybe HE had something to do with the nation's financial market, as well. I gave her some examples to show why I am not an Obama fan, one being the fact that he attended a racist church and called Jeremiah Wright his mentor and guide. I even sent her to the church website so she could see exactly what bothers me about it. (Go ahead. Go there. Click on ABOUT US, and then read about the "black value system". Insert the word "white" in place of "black". Now how does it sound? Would you attend a church like that? What church bases it's values on race?)

I was honestly trying to understand her.

All in all, I think I was pretty damn polite, for a pissed off redneck! ;)

Well, THAT didn't get me anywhere.

She called my response a "rant", and said that she guessed she hit a hot button and "pushed you over some edge somewhere". She started typing in ALL CAPS AGAIN, and told me that it's not all Clinton's fault (never said it was) and (Look out. Hardcore profanity ahead. Her words, not mine.) "if you believe that bullshit, then I believe you deserve every fucked-up-the-ass point of view that this BURNT OUT, BORROWED AND BORING (Gotta love the alliteration) ADMINISTRATION WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE, EIGHT FUCKING YEARS OF AN IDIOT IS ENOUGH!"

She said that I am a product of the "Karl Rove propaganda machine" (are you kidding me) and that all of this talk about homeland security is nothing more than "trumped up scare tactics". (Click here to see some "trumped up scare tactics".)

She accused me of getting all of my information from the internet, then listed all the places she has lived and mentioned how much she has learned about the world because of it. (Clearly, she is soooo much smarter than the likes of me.) She said that Florida steals votes, that I see things through a conservative filter because of where I live, that I am exposed to a bunch of "NOTHINGS" (extreme nothings, apparently, judging by the capital letters) and then suggested that I immediately get on a plane and go to Boston, because "you certainly won't learn anything that isn't dried up or rotten here."

After another quote (Crosby, Stills and Nash this time. Yes, those entertainers are full of wisdom.) she had the temerity to refer to her belittling email as "discourse", and asked if I would please have lunch with her and talk face to face.

Yes, I am serious.

No, I'm not meeting her. I didn't even answer her last email.

At least I don't have to finish the original writing assignment now. :)